Swine flu is the new snow day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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