A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
