You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
