Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
