what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
