what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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