I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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