Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
