Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
