I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
