My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need a sexual gate keeper
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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