his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
