I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
