That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We left an ass print on the piano.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
