So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
