We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
