We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
