just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
