hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
