Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
