The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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