Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
