if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
