Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
