I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
