Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
