I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
