I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
