dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
