Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
