i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
