he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When are your genitals available?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
