I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize