omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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