Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
