Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
