actually, I'm a sock model
The maid of honor just puked.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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