Your face is a jimmy john
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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