She said her name was "party"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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