Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
