I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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