wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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