Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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