so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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