the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
