my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
