She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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