2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
