I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
