I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize