I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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