she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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