i need an iv and a liver transplant
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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