If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
