I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
