3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
