You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
