I just pynch a tree in the face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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