you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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