I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Never joke about your clitoris.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
