And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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