I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
