If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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