just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
