I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
