I wish I could punch you in the face.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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