Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
