I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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