I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
