I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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