evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
