A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
