that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't deserve a penis
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
