How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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