Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
