kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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