Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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