I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
