What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Farmville is her only friend.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
