Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
