im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
