is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize