I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize