Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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