Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
