i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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