I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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