my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
