Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
