found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize