i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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