There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize