I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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