new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
