I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
