Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
