OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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