Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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