Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
