Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
