my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
