connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
