I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
