I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize