I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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