haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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