Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
