I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
