just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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