Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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