So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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