my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
